What Is Healthy Selfishness? Debunking the Myths

When you hear the word “selfish,” what comes to mind? Maybe it’s someone who takes without giving, disregards others’ feelings, or only looks out for themselves. But what if I told you that being a little selfish is actually healthy?

As an expressive arts therapist and mental health counselor, I often work with clients who struggle with guilt when prioritizing themselves. Society has conditioned us to believe that putting ourselves first is wrong, but in reality, practicing healthy selfishness is essential for well-being. In this post, we’ll explore what healthy selfishness really means, debunk common myths, and discuss how embracing it can lead to a more balanced, fulfilling life.

The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Selfishness

Not all selfishness is created equal. Let’s break it down:

✅ Healthy selfishness means making your well-being a priority while still respecting others. It allows you to set boundaries, recharge, and show up as your best self in relationships and work.

❌ Unhealthy selfishness is when someone acts in a way that disregards or harms others for personal gain. This kind of selfishness lacks empathy and consideration.

Think of the oxygen mask rule on airplanes: you must put on your own mask before helping others. If you’re constantly running on empty, you won’t be able to support the people who rely on you.

Common Myths About Healthy Selfishness

Myth 1: “If I prioritize myself, I’m neglecting others.”

🚫 Reality: Caring for yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care about others—it means you’re ensuring you have the energy and emotional capacity to support them.

Myth 2: “Selfishness is always bad.”

🚫 Reality: There’s a spectrum of selfishness. The key is balance—meeting your needs without trampling on others'.

Myth 3: “People will think I’m rude or self-centered.”

🚫 Reality: The right people will respect your boundaries. And if they don’t? That says more about them than about you.

Myth 4: “I should always put others first.”

🚫 Reality: Constant self-sacrifice can lead to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. Taking time for yourself helps you show up more fully in your relationships.

Why Healthy Selfishness Is Necessary for Mental Health

When you embrace healthy selfishness, you:
✔ Prevent burnout and emotional exhaustion.
✔ Make clearer, more confident decisions.
✔ Strengthen relationships by fostering mutual respect.
✔ Boost self-esteem and self-worth.

Expressive arts therapy can be a powerful tool in this journey. Engaging in creative expression—whether through painting, writing, music, or movement—helps clients explore their inner needs, release guilt, and develop self-compassion.

Practical Steps to Embrace Healthy Selfishness

1️⃣ Start small. Practice saying “no” without feeling the need to over-explain.

2️⃣ Check in with yourself. Ask, What do I need right now? Give yourself permission to listen.

3️⃣ Reframe your mindset. Remind yourself that self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

4️⃣ Use expressive arts. Try journaling, drawing, or dancing to explore your feelings about prioritizing yourself.

5️⃣ Observe the benefits. Notice how your relationships improve when you take care of yourself first.

Conclusion

Healthy selfishness isn’t about neglecting others—it’s about recognizing that your needs matter, too. By prioritizing yourself, you create a foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling life.

💬 How do you practice healthy selfishness? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Need additional support? Contact me today to schedule a consultation.